I am very privileged, or maybe blessed is a better word, I don't know. I really am though. I got to go home for Christmas and as crazy as it was, it was oddly restful. As soon as I stepped off the plane it was non-stop rushing. I had to explain to a zillion people that I was not, in fact, at Andrews and that I was in Idaho as an assistant dean. But despite all the rushing, shopping, singing, laughing, family, friends, and lack of sleeping in it was a much needed break, a respite from the life of a dean.
Take that last sentence with a grain of salt because my life as a dean isn't a difficult one at ALL. Let me explain though. It's lonely here. I'm totally surrounded by people that have no clue who I am; some of them don't even know my first name. You know how people say that they are surrounded by people and yet somehow feel utterly alone? That's how I feel when I'm here. Don't get me wrong, we have good times. The first banquet of the year "Winter Wonderland" is coming up and the girls are ecstatic. A couple of girls came banging on my door the other day wearing their banquet dresses. They were dancing around in the halls and were absolutely pumped about getting dressed up and going out. As I look back on the banquets that I attended and planned I have fond memories. I remember being excited. It's a good feeling. Despite all the good feelings I still feel "blah" inside. It's not hard to smile and laugh and scream and have a good time but when everything is said and done and I go back to my room I'm lonely. I miss my friends. I think about them all the time.
The title says "Roses Have Thorns," meaning that even though things seem to be great, there are still undeniable rough patches that hurt. I got a new room. It was supposed to be done in November, before Thanksgiving but the finally finished it during Christmas break. I started moving in the moment I got back. When I moved in I didn't have a door knob on my bathroom and I still have a ton of stuff in my other room because I have NO CLUE where I'm going to put it all! But aside from the fact that it's a tiny space, even if it does have a bathroom...which I LOVE, it's very poorly designed. Aside from the design there are a bunch of little things that are very irritating. I grew up in a house that was in a constant state of construction and I know what quality looks like. My new bathroom is a bathroom but there is still a sticker on the sink, pencil marks on the walls, gouges in the cabinetry, not to mention that I don't think anyone sat on my new toilet to see if it was comfortable because it's not. And I know you aren't supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth but seriously?! These people were sooooo sloppy. But every time I try to say something about it every one says, "But you have a bathroom now." Is that supposed to mean something? Yes, I have a bathroom now but that doesn't mean that I can't have my cake and eat it too. I want people to care about there work. Even though this post hasn't exactly been all rainbows and butterflies I just want you all to know that I really love my job and I love every single student that lives in this dorm. But I just needed to "write" this all down. Hopefully that will help with the unrest.
Things are good here at GSA. I really should blog more, then they wouldn't be so long. We have been back in school for a week already. The banquet is just around the corner. There is an open house this weekend, that should be fun. I love a good open house. Every school is not without their drama however. And in our case it was bottled up from before break and now it's all coming out, like an enormous tidal wave. I've learned what parents must feel like when a child disappoints them. I also think that I did a year's worth of maturing in a week. I still find myself at a loss for words when I have to discipline kids but I'm getting better about articulating the rules when I need to. I hate reprimanding kids because I remember being on the other side of that reprimand and how awkward and irritating it is. But it's something that I'm learning how to do, even though I have a particular distaste for it.
On a happier note, I got to see my best friend in the whole world over Christmas break. She drove all the way from Michigan to Loveland, CO to spend about 24 hours with me. We rang in the new year together. It was the most special New Year's Eve yet. You can watch the video on Facebook. I also get to see all my fabulous friends at Andrews in T-29 days! Hi friends at Andrews, it's me, Ashley. I don't know if you remember me but I'm stopping by in a month so you better put your party clothes on! (I'm REALLY excited.) Ok, I have to do the chapel talk tomorrow so I should probably stop typing and start sleeping so that I can get up at a regular hour and make it on time to that shindig. May the peace of God permeate your souls today. I love you all!
Ashley
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